The Return of the Beard

There is a trend sweeping this earth and Pinterest boards everywhere. It is getting unruly and the situation has gotten a bit hairy.

Men are embracing it with open arms (and faces).

Women are running rampant through the streets proclaiming its awesomeness.

"What is this trend?" you wonder.

Why, it's...it's...the return of the beard.

Well, they're not "returning" persay. They are just becoming more stealthy in thwarting the advances of Gillette razors everywhere. They are being connotated as "manly" and "awesome" and, dare I say, "sexy". A beard is not just hair; a beard is actually a magnet (or so social media tells me). A chick magnet.

Gone are the days of smooth jawlines. These are the days of scruff. Nay, more than just scruff. Scruff is for boys. Beards. Yes, beards are for men.

Do you have a beard? Well, then you are a man. The manlinest of men, in fact (whatever that means). Your beard is tantamount to your nobility, courage, and character. Obviously.

And, according to one meme, if you do not sport a beard then you are a women. Plain and simple. Regardless of those silly chromosome things. In fact, Abe Lincoln came out of the womb sporting a beard. That is how the doctor knew he was a boy.

There are a couple of pros and cons to having a beard. At least, I would assume, because, despite my many attempts, I still have zero hairs on my "chinny chin chin."

Pros:

• Warmth
• Presumed manliness right off the bat
• Belonging to the beard club
• Saving dollars
• Uniqueness, since hairy faces are still a minority

Cons:

• No one ever looking you in the eye again
• People using you for your beard
• Spending too much time looking in the mirror
• Getting beard caught in zippers (I just randomly thought of this one. Does this actually happen, bearded folk?)
• Not actually being as "manly" as the beard suggests you may be

So, if you are a man then I suggest you pull up a ven diagram and weigh each side carefully. Your manliness may depend on it.